On a 1997 Las Vegas girls’ trip, I hit the Big Win.  

My college friends and I had traveled there for our last hurrah before college ended.  In a few short months, we would be graduating and dispersing throughout the country. We were getting married, moving to new cities to begin our careers, or continuing our education at new universities. 

I don’t gamble much, but I found myself at an Excalibur Hotel blackjack table in the early afternoon.  Our college budgets prohibited us from staying somewhere fancy and the blackjack tables had an enticingly low minimum bet during the day.  I parked myself at a cheap $3 table and nervously signaled to the dealer to “hit” or “stay.”

I still remember the petite, short haired woman who had mercy on my gambling naivete.  She quickly recognized my ignorance and began helping me along with a slight shake of the head or her eyes growing wide, directing me to hit.  The guys at the table chimed in.  “You want to double down on that, honey.”  “You’ve got a 17 sweetheart, you should stand.”  I’m sure the dealer would have gotten in trouble had any of her superiors noticed.  And writing this, I’m wondering if I should have been creeped out by the free help from the old guys.  I digress.

All of a sudden, I hit it BIG.  I don’t remember the specifics but I remember this:

I won $57.  THE BIG WIN!  

(Hey – for a 22 year old college student in 1997, that was a lot of money.)

Shortly after hitting my Big Win, I got greedy, cashed in my chips and headed back up to my room, eager to show off my winnings to my friends.  Had I known better I would have tipped the dealer. I’m still bothered I didn’t. I hope she forgave me.

Later that evening, I sat back down and tried the game again.  Every bit of my gambling allowance was lost within 15 minutes.

I was chasing that high again, of everything coming together for the Big Win.  It never returned that trip.  

I still gamble, but in a different, healthier way.

Running is my new blackjack.

Every now and then, the stars align and I have an incredible run.  The temperature is crisp, humidity is low, my legs feel like a gazelle’s, gliding effortlessly.  Nothing hurts, my lungs easily inhale and exhale, and a smile is all but plastered on my face.

That’s the feeling I hope for every time.  Unfortunately, that’s not how the cards fall.  Sometimes the humidity is so thick my lungs feel like they are breathing in water.  My legs are bricks and can barely push themselves off the ground.  My feet/knee/hip hurts.  The heat bears down and sucks the life out of me.  I’m dealt a 16 in the blackjack world.

Yet every time I head out, I’m searching for that Ace/King combination.  Depending on my distance, I may meticulously plan my fuel, clothes, or socks.  Or I may throw myself out the door before I can give myself an excuse to not go.  

Maybe my Big Win comes in the form of mental clarity on a difficult situation or relationship.  Often I get inspiration on what to write about.  Many times I have a few precious minutes with God, where He displays His beauty and speaks to my heart.

And that blackjack dealer?  She’s various forms of my running partner, my dog’s perkiness when I grab the leash, informational articles, and fellow runners I follow on social media.  She encourages me when I’m unsure and gives me permission to rest when I have a crappy hand.  

I don’t particularly enjoy blackjack or gambling. If I to visit Vegas again, I’d probably try and find some interesting trails to explore, rather than hole myself up in a large room where background music is slot machine ding-ding-dings.  Don’t even get me started on the stale, smoky air.  But I’d recognize that feeling of a Big Win anywhere.  Now I’m chasing that on my neighborhood streets and the occasional race.

Running is magical, mysterious and horrible, sometimes all at once.  It’s always a gamble to see how I’ll feel when I’m done.  I know more about running than Blackjack, and here’s some table advice I’d give anyone:  Get out there enough, and you’re sure to get a Big Win.  

You don’t even have to tip me for that advice.

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