Ask me to research online, and I’ll give you a living example of “rabbit trail.” One search leads to multiple clicks. Before you know it, I’m knee deep in a completely new topic while the original one is ignored.

Such was the case when I came across this article. I don’t even remember what I was researching, but reading the study and results stopped me in my tracks.

The title, “Examining multiple parenting behaviors on young children’s dietary fat consumption,” is less than eye-catching. But the conclusion? Definitely noteworthy. As stated in the study:

Controlling parenting behaviors such as rule setting is associated with more frequent fat consumption, whereas role modeling healthy behaviors is associated with less frequent fat consumption. Changing parenting behaviors with regards to how they feed their children are logical avenues for improving eating behaviors.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3383891/

Children’s fat consumption increased with parent household rules, and went down when parents modeled their own rules. And let’s be real: These children weren’t reaching for the fats in avocados and almonds. They are drawn to the fat in prepackaged, easily accessible food.

Turns out, “do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t work. Shocking.

A few notes on the study. It was published in 2012, so I’m a little late to the game. Additionally, it was small-ish, with 541 parents of children between the ages of five and eight.

How does this apply to me?

Parenting is HARD and CONFUSING. What works sometimes fails others. I’m often second-guessing my choices, and always wondering if I’m doing something with long term negative impact.

I know I’m not alone. Lysa TerKeurst, President of Proverbs 31 ministries, wrote an entire book on it called, “Am I messing up my kids?” It’s a question I ask often.

Filtered down to a health level, I’ve wondered how to instill healthy eating habits in my children. This article tells me not to create so many rules that it causes my children to revolt and sneak in crappy food every chance they get.

I’ve never claimed to be a perfect model of healthy eating. But I’ve always second-guessed my parental guidance surrounding nutrition. The running narrative my my brain hits all of these:

• I’m too strict.
• I’m letting them have way too much sugar.
• They don’t get enough vegetables.
• I focus on vegetables too much.
• He might actually turn into a chicken wing, he eats so many.

Yet for every time I’ve gawked at the sugar or fried content of something, I’ve also kept my mouth shut. (I just write about it, like in this article.) As much as I loathe the walks they take to the CVS half a mile away to purchase Sour Patch Kids and Arizona Sweet Tea, I know they’re searching for independence and freedom to make their own choices.

Gentle reminders or nagging?

Nagging isn’t successful – I certainly don’t need a study to tell me that.

Unfortunately, I admit to falling into this trap sometimes. All these statements have exited my mouth, but can just as easily be applied to myself:

• Don’t eat too many pieces of chocolate after dinner.
• Don’t eat while standing.
• Stop when you’re full.
• Have a glass of water before you have a “fun drink” (or in my case, wine)

When does a friendly reminder turn into a nag? I’m not sure, but I think an eye roll is a good indicator.

Is it possible to model too much?

I wonder if there’s a study about modeling too much? My kids know where I stand on healthy eating. They understand its importance. But there have been times in my life where it’s been all I’ve focused on. Times when healthy eating turned into a worship, an obsession – read here for more.

I don’t want to model something so strictly that it turns my kids off, or scares them, from healthy eating. If they watch me and think that healthy eating requires macro counting and app tracking and leaves all the enjoyment of eating out, they aren’t going to be drawn to the process.  

Obviously, there’s a time and place for counting and tracking, but if that’s an ongoing obsession of mine? No thanks.

So where’s the balance?

Good question. Let me pause and think on that.

I think the balance is combining what is authentic to me and my family, while still shedding a positive light on the nutrition experience. Our family eats a healthy dinner at the table most nights. The kids have “Sunday Sundae” (which is really just ice cream with chocolate syrup on Sunday nights. Fancy and prepared, I am not).  I share examples of when I don’t feel well after less than stellar eating.

They see me eating kale salad, and witness me savoring a cookie. I’ve literally been caught with my hand in the candy basket more than once (as have they).

This study gives me peace. Just like I’ve quit expecting perfection in how my body looks, I don’t need to expect perfection in their eating habits.   I just need to model the choices I hope they make … without nagging too much.