I seem to have inadvertently created a tradition. Each year at our Christmas Eve service, I find tears streaming down my face. Honestly I don’t really know why. Maybe it comes down to being overwhelmed by the presence of God while 1800 parishioners worship His name.

Once a year at this service, my pastor invites everyone to say a few words to their loved ones. It may be an apology that’s delayed, or forgiveness, or simply “I love you.”

At this point, my emotions take over. The ugly cry ensues as I try to tell my people how much they mean to me.

I thought I was going to escape it this year.

The floodgates already opened

Rewind two weeks. Earlier in December I attended the Roadshow Christmas concert with my friend, Laura. The Roadshow included artists Plumb, Josh Wilson, newcomer Leanna Crawford, Building 429, Matt Maher, and Matthew West finished it out. For FOUR HOURS we listened, sang, and laughed. Four hours, folks: we certainly got our money’s worth.

Toward the end, Matthew West sang “The Heart of Christmas” and played a video montage of the story behind it. And then I wished I had my travel pack of Kleenex. Actually a 100-count would have worked.

I know we are two months past Christmas, but if you want to check out the video we watched, grab you Kleenex and hit play.

On the way home, I was reflecting on my tears and telling Laura about my Christmas experience at church each year. “I wonder if I got it all out here and I’ll keep it together this year?” I pondered.

The power of music and emotions

As I dug in, I told her music does something to me that I can’t experience in my everyday life. Music offers me a connection to emotions I don’t typically feel. Honestly, I’m not much of a cryer. I empathise and sympathize with tough situations. But for some reason those emotions don’t come out in the form of tears.

Strangely, however, I find myself fighting tears in all the typical scenarios: watching movies, documentaries, and Hallmark commercials. Yes, Hallmark commercials.

My tears cause discomfort to my husband and children. My husband wants to comfort me; make it all better. Even if nothing is wrong, he’s tender and sweet and just wants the tears to stop. My boys don’t understand what’s wrong with mom. Again, I’m pretty even-keeled and they don’t experience wild-eyed shrieking often (except, of course, at the aforementioned trail mix incident). Then again, maybe one child would quit oversleeping if I roared more often. Hmmm.

I believe the men in my life cannot relate to my crying. Men, in general, don’t cry much.

The layers of tears

I may not cry much, but it’s there, several layers deep. Sometimes I feel it bubbling up and I take a deep breath to keep it from emerging.

When do I want to cry? When I’m:

• Sad
• Angry
• Tired
• Bursting with love
• Overwhelmed by presence of God,
• Feeling especially connected to a song
• Laughing so hard I’m peeing my pants. My friend Tamara is normally the culprit of this.

These emotions are God-given and NORMAL. They make me who I am. Wherever the tears fall on the emotional gauge, they are still part of my whole self.

I’ve decided I’m not swallowing my tears anymore. If I want to cry at a Hallmark commercial, I’m going to. I’m not going to discreetly wipe my face during worship at church. If I see a touching piece on ESPN’s College Gameday, just pass me the Kleenex box.

I have a small ulterior motive as well. In a house full of men, my boys don’t experience the wild hormones of women. They need to know we cry, sometimes for no reason at all. I want them to tenderly respond when necessary but not be afraid of emotions. Because one day, they may have a wife who is less stoic than their mom and they need to be OK with her emotional fluctuations.

What does this have to do with health?

If you’ve read this far and wondering why I’m talking about crying in a healthy living blog, that’s fair. This post has nothing to do with food and exercise and chocolate.

But it has everything to do with being healthy. Health isn’t just the food we eat or the exercise we do. It’s body, mind, and spirit. Achieving balance and health in all of those areas is the only way to find complete well-being.

And our Christmas Eve services? Yep, I couldn’t even get out the words to tell my son how much he means to me and how proud I am of him. He just smiled and gave me a hug.

You’re welcome, future wife.

Now we just need to work on his messy room…